Atlanta Fashion Blogger - Edit by Lauren

Lauren Lefevre offers professional styling services and is a well-renowned fashion blogger, having made several trips to New York Fashion Week and being sponsored by Nordstrom.

Honest talk :: A lot less hate, a lot more love

Lauren97 Comments

“She doesn’t dress very well.”

“She’s kind of a hot mess between the yellow hair, too short/too young looks and the open mouthed smiles.”

“She’s also extremely annoying on Instastories.”

“What an idiot!”

“I couldn’t believe she was prancing around Fashion Week like she knew anything about style.”

“All of her skirts and dresses are way too short for her thick legs.”

 

It was brought to my attention this past Sunday night that a new thread on a blogger “snarking” site was dedicated to me. It was started this past week and a dozen or so women have already jumped on the train of mocking me. The quotes above are just a few of the hateful comments I {regretfully} read. One of the nastiest comments came from an anonymous fellow blogger that said that she saw me in person at last week in NYC.

I’m not going to lie. Reading these comments stung. Bad.

I would like to pretend that I’m thick skinned and can turn away and not care what others say. But I am not. And I can’t.

Even though I put myself out there in curated photos on social media each day, I am still a human. I am still a woman.

I am not immune to feeling the crushing blow of judgment and undue criticism.

 

Why?

I am a 36 year old mother of two. I’ve struggled with my weight this year more than ever. When I look in the mirror, I don’t love what I see.

I’ve struggled with anxiety this year more than ever, trying to figure out how to balance marriage, motherhood, a growing and demanding business, friendships, travel, a dad undergoing cancer treatment and active, school-age twins {one struggling with anxiety, too}

I constantly feel like I am dropping balls, forgetting important to-do’s and late to appointments… and I give myself very little grace.

I have stretch marks on my stomach from carrying twins, which is I only only wear one-piece bathing suits. I hate my arms so that is why I prefer to show my legs. I have stubborn spots of melisma on my face that appeared during IVF treatments seven years ago and I loathe the discoloration when I am make-up free.

I worry each day that I am not doing enough. That I am not enough. I struggle with people pleasing and a fear of failure every day of my life.

I want to appear like I have my shit together.

But I don’t.

When I read these disapproving comments, it speaks to the lie within me that I really am not enough. That I need to be better, look better, do better...ultimately “pretend” better.

Judgment has a way of making us feel imprisoned as a lesser version of ourselves.

The reason I am writing this post, one that is quite different from my usual fashion and lifestyle posts, is because this isn’t just about me. This is about all of us women.

At the end of the day, don’t we all long to be fully known, flaws and all…and then loved and accepted right there?!

You see, as much as we fight against racism, sexism and bullying in our society, we are acting with the same kind of evil when we cut down our fellow sister.

When my blogger friends are publically ridiculed in vulgar terms about their children’s style, their parenting, their weight, their style choices, their wrinkles and God-given body and facial features, it is nothing short of hateful and wrong.

When my stay-at-home mom friends are shamed for not “doing enough” and my career-driven friends are criticized for over-achieving and working too much, it is hateful and wrong.

When my curvy friends are told they need to lose weight and my lean friends are told they need to bulk up, it is hateful and wrong.

When a woman tells another woman she needs to change ANYTHING about herself in order to be loved and accepted, it so ALL SO WRONG.

Especially in a world already filled with so much hate.

This is for ALL of us women :: the mothers, career builders, nurturers, creators, wives, sisters, daughters, friends. We all struggle. We all look in the mirror and focus on our flaws.

We are all haunted…daily…by the feeling that we aren’t enough. Not thin enough, not rich enough, not popular enough, not fun enough, not smart enough, not brave enough, not successful enough, not sexy enough.

So, if we all struggle with the same feelings, why on earth do we fail so miserably at loving and supporting one another?!

God knows none of us needs any more judgment or criticism than we heap on our own selves,,.so can we stop the hateful comments and negativity?! Can’t we instead start supporting, encouraging, embracing, loving and giving each other grace?

It’s about time we stop the judgment. Stop the gossip. Stop the hate.

We have the power to lessen the load of hate in our society if we start among ourselves.

We have the power to help raise a generation of women supporting women.

It’s about time we start looking at other women in the eye, to attempt to see her for who she is and have compassion on her untold story.

It’s about time we give a little more grace. A little more grace to another than we might give ourselves.

A smile, an unexpected compliment, a helping hand, a gracious response. It can make all the difference.  It might even change someone’s world.

A lot less hate. A lot more love.

When the tide rises, all ships sail.

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